Don't know what to do!?

Nothing to do with WW or WI's or NSV's or SP's

Oh dear, at a time that I really wish my Mum could help me I'm afraid that her "Old School" attitude to childrens upbringings may cause another row. I have a problem with Bill :'( he has been so sad...and I mean like genuinely sad since waking up to a bad dream on Wednesday night/early Thursday morning. He dreamt that he was drowning...he's 4 years old!? How does he even know what that is!? I don't remember telling him nor does Matt. Trouble is he's so clever and quite often i'm guilty of forgetting that he's not the little old man he sounds like sometimes and he is just a baby, and I can go into quite graphic detail when explaining things when I should just try and change the subject - just the other day we had a massive conversation on the environment and climate change! :0/ So now i'm trying to think back to if we've ever had a conversation about drowning and I'm terrified I've told him what it is and planted this seed in his little mind :'(

Anyway it's really done something to him, he's tearful and when I give him a cuddle and ask him what's wrong he just keeps saying that his dream keeps popping into his head and he's scared. I know him inside out...he's my son and I know when he's milking something for a bit of attention and when he's genuinely upset and it's breaking my heart...I don't know what to do.

At the moment he's saying a) He never wants to sleep again as he's scared he'll have the dream again - he already has a dream catcher so we've given it a magic shake and moved it closer to him in a hope that helps, obviously I know as an adult this won't do anything but he really thinks it will :) bless him! and b) that he never wants to go swimming again as he's so scared of drowning...I don't want to push him but I don't want this to become some sort of phobia?

I really feel for the first time that i'm letting him down...I really don't know what to do, sitting here in tears typing this! Daft mare! He has alot going on at the moment, starting "Big School" in September - although he says he's excited about this I can imagine that it can be quite worrying, he's very sensitive and I know he's a little thinker so not sure if that's causing this? I honestly can not bare to see his little lip quiver and his voice break as he tries to be brave and not cry when we're talking. I'm not sure where this not wanting to cry has come from either.

I know if I ask my Mum she's gonna say something ridiculous but me sitting here getting in a state is just as ridiculous! He was up in the night a few times last night and I sat with him and just whispered to him that Mummy was there and I'd never let anything happen to him etc and we spent the whole of yesterday talking about how he never has to worry etc etc but I can see something is still not sitting right with him.

Sorry for this - just don't know who to ask....I want to be super Mum and I'm not :'( trying so so hard.....please help me xxx

THINGS I HATE!!!

Righty O here goes my list of things that I hate, I can only think of a few at the moment..unusual for me as I'm normally moaning about something or other lol. Will update as and when I remember things that piss me off.

1. People who refer to themselves as a 3rd person.
2. People that refuse to use these little things we have called manners
3. People who talk to you with their eyes shut.
4. People that are awkward on the phone...it's a phone FUCKING TALK!
5. People hitting their kids or being unduly aggressive to their kids in front of me, don't do it or I'm likely to say something not very nice to you. People that bully their kids should give them to someone that will love and cherish them and not treat them like shit.
6. People that tell ME how I feel.
7. Shit actresses/actors. - Especially Rai from Hollyoaks.
8. A few songs make me want to scream - Angels by Robbie Williams, Red Red Wine..infact anything by UB40. Oh What a night - don't know who sings this but it's shit and it makes me mad.
9. People that are pretending to listen to what you're saying but you can see that it's going in one ear and out the other - if what I'm saying is of no interest to you I'd much rather you just say.

Think that's enough hating for now lol

Lovage xx

Reality.....

Right enough of all this f@cking around - scuse my language :/ BUT.....I'm doing ok, but you know what I was doing great! I've gone back through my weight/points tracker to the weeks where I lost 3.5lb and 4lbs consecutively to see what I was eating, to say I was surprised is an understatement. I was eating loads more than I am now...and I mean loads. Not only that but it was all well nice stuff lol, like chocolate digestives, packets of wotsits etc etc the only difference I can see is the activity points, I was earning loads so I've decided...back in the gym hardcore as of tomorrow!!!

4 Nights a week MINIMUM!!!! I know that might sound a bit extreme but I've got to face facts, I have to lose an extreme amount and it's gonna take forever if the best I can do is 1.5lb a week (and that's a good week at the mo!)

So, starting back there with more dedication then ever tomorrow...BRING IT ONNNNNNN!!!!!! WoooooHooooo!! Come on Fatty - You can do it!!!

Muchas Loveage xxxxxxxx

2nd Silver 7 - Yes Pleeeeease!!! Wooohoooo!!

I've done it! 2nd Silver 7 so my first official stone off - I lost 4.5lb on my own before joining so it's actually 19lb for me but still I'm super chuffed to have lost another 1.5lb this week. But it's no time to be getting cocky, I still have a massive 4 stone to lose, a HUGE amount and I'm already starting to think my target is unrealistic...do I really want to be 8st 7lb?? We'll see I suppose, gonna take a while to even get close so will reassess the situation at 10st ish...lol.

Bill is currently running around with my "Stone" our leader gives us one of them little glass stone thingys, you're supposed to put it near your snacking cupboard/fridge etc and when you see it, it reminds you that you've lost a stone and in turn is supposed to make you think hmmm do I really want it?? But Bill seems to have taken quite a shine to it and it's now his treasure lol bless him :)

Anyway I'm off for yet another bath, my muscles...holy crapony are bleedin' killing me, I was sat funny for a few hours yesterday and OMG and I paying for it today :'(

Hope you all have a totally awesome week!

Love Love xx

I LOVE....My Job!!!

I know, I know...but I do! There's a whole lotta love going on on this blog I tell ya, first crumpets and now work!

Doesn't matter that I've just walked in when I should of been home at 2 cos I've got to cook a roast from scratch as we have our friends over.

Doesn't matter that my back feels like it's snapped in half from being hunched up and bent over whilst standing up for over 4 hours.

Doesn't matter that I've got ink all over myself AND my favourite shirt.

Doesn't matter that I have a raging headache from all the concentration.

Doesn't matter that I've had my face in close proximity to a sweaty mans armpit all afternoon.

What matters is that people trust ME to put MY art onto their skin and they will wear it with pride for the rest of their lives...How cool is that??!?!?! I flippin' 100% LOVE my job - F the money I say...I will never ever stop doing this - Ars Longa Vita Brevis my friends wooooohooooo!

I really really want to do some drawing but I have to go peel some potatoes, first roast in 9 weeks i'm gonna munch out big time as I have a period that is being super cruel and I just want to eat...all the time, anything will do just FEEEEEEED MEEEEEEEE!! lol **Shakes fist and screams "Damn you womb"** have WI tomorrow SP says gain...I'm gonna do my flippin' nut if I've gained!! I've typed this turbo cos i'm on an adrenaline rush from Tattooing haha so i'm sorry if there's loadsa typos and spelling mistakes :/ will update y'all tomorrow with the result from my WI :)

Have a fabulous weekend dudes, Muchas Loveage xxxxx

Bit sad :'(

Mornin' all,

Woke up this morning in a bit of a sad mood really, don't really know why, think it's a few things getting me down at the momento.

Bill starting school in September is scaring the shit out of me, I don't want him to go...but I know he has to.

Being permanently skint is getting me down....we're now only 14 months away from Vegas, I need to get a job desperately but can't bear the thought of having to give up working at the Studio :'( it's sort of like winning the lotto and then realising that you're looking at last weeks ticket and you haven't won at all. I've tried for so long to get into this industry and now it looks like I'm gonna have to walk away...gutted is the only word that keeps popping in my head. I know that it's not going anywhere but it's not as if I'm 18 and have all the time in the world, I have SO much to learn it's unbelievable, and I don't just want to be average I want to be really good at my job and this is not helping.

I'm covered in spots, have no idea WTF that's all about, I've never suffered with spots really, not even when I was younger...had the odd one here and there but my face and chest looks like a teenager boys at the moment. It's only been since I started WW and it's getting worse. Will have to go to the doctors soon I think, hopefully they'll be able to give me something, tried Clearasil and if anything it made it worse!! Will try Freederm maybe, as heard that's good...will have to wait until I have a few more pennies though as not sure spending money on spot creams is the most sensible thing eh?!

I feel like a right selfish bitch today, just thinking how nice it would be if we could all go away together before Bill starts school in September, but never gonna be able to do it as I've had so much...what with Carries Hen Weekend in June and then I'm off to V Festival at the end of August. Don't get me wrong I could pull out, not so much out of the Hen Weekend because it wouldn't be fair on Dennie, but I could sell my V ticket and get a few bob - this is where the selfish bitch comes in cos to be hand on heart honest with you...I don't want to. I know that sounds awful, but I've wanted to go for so long and the line up is actually amazing! Stuck between a rock and a hard place. BUT...if I get a job, maybe we can all have a treat, I'll be able to afford for us all to go away. Just gonna keep looking and see what happens I think.

Postman still hasn't been, I hate that when you're waiting for something and it gets to a certain time and you get that sinking feeling lol he's not coming now I don't think, waiting for a medical card for Bill to finish off the paperwork needed to accept his place he's been offered at his school. Christ knows what happened to the original...not like me (Mrs OCD) to throw anything away...especially something so important, i'll probably find it next week when it's too bloody late! Never mind eh!?

Didn't end up going to Zumba, I decided the other day it would be a great idea to walk to ASDA and back didn't I?? Well my feet...OMG I had a blister the size of an egg...no yolk! (Sorry couldn't resist) so decided Zumba'in wasn't the best thing for them, defo gonna go next Monday though!

Right best go and get job hunting AGAIN lol had a crumpet and a pear for breakfast, resisting the urge to go and have a binge, it would make me feel better for about 5 mins, but then even worse when it comes to WI on sunday lol!

Hope y'all have a good day, and I promise I'll be in a better mood later :)

Lauren xx

Holla Ganstaaaaarrrrss

The DRESS!!

Is that a cheekbone and jawline I see!??!!?

Beginning of the night and already a bit squiffy!

Right well I'm weighing in tonight after the disappointment of my 0.5lb gain last week, If I have put on this week I am actually gonna go mental lol!

HOWEVER...NSV woop woop!! NSV is seen alot on the WW message boards and stands for Non Scale Victory...I had one of these Saturday night 2 hours before a taxi was arriving to take me out for my 2 bestest friends' birthday night out.

After spending 5 hours walking around Lakeside with the girls while they done their shopping (I'm seriously skint and decided to wear something from wardrobe) I came home and went to jump in the shower, dunno why but I thought ooooo just pop my dress on quick as not worn it for a month or so....OMG I didn't have to undo the zip it just slipped straight over me, I called Matt to come and have a look and he wet himself laughing....."You can't wear that love, you look ridiculous lol" Oh cheers Matt lol!!

Oh dear, I thought I was gonna have to race up to Bluewater, only 5 minutes away but I'd not seen anything in Lakeside that'd caught my eye so wasn't hopeful, as we got back to the car I asked Matt if he'd run me to ASDA quick, we got down there and I was running around like a blue arsed fly and there it was...a cute little prom dress! £16 a complete bargain and I loved it!! Running out of time I grabbed a size 16, tried it on super quick and then shot back home. It's a halterneck so had to wear my strapless bra which has no padding :'( put the dress back on and you know what lol I think I could of even got away with a 14!!!!!!!!!!!!! Something dreams are made of!!! hahaha So as much as I say i'll go bonkers if I haven't lost it's all defo going in the right direction so I'm a happy girl :) Matt however is now having to work ALOT to pay for all the new clothes I'm gonna have to start buying...ASDA here I come!

Right I gotta get myself'a moving cos this dinner ain't gonna cook itself unfortunately...hard life eh?! Will update weigh in bit later when I get home eeeeeekkk wish me luck!!

I LOVE CRUMPETS!!!

Mornin' all,

This keeps throwing a load of errors up so I dunno if it's gonna post ok or if it's gonna be a load of mumbo jumbo...will give it a go anyway cos I've just got to tell you about how much I bloody love crumpets! This is not a new found love...I've always loved them to be honest, but they are the one things that are keeping me relatively sane on my weight loss journey :) I have 2 in the morning with 2 teaspoons of I can't believe it's not butter light all for only 2.5 Points!!! Bloody Marvellous I say!!! Anyway enough of my crumpet love and on to something I never ever thought I'd hear myself say....I'm joining a class, full of strangers, on my own!!!

Zumba!!!

Heard about this "Zumba" a few times on the WW boards so thought I'd look into it a bit more, well it looks AMAZING!! Reminds me of when we went to Cuba, if this poor woman can teach me - the most uncoordinated, rhythm-less girl in the world it will be quite frankly a miracle!!

Tapped Zumba in Gravesend into Google, 1st of all I could only see classes in Medway and Maidstone so I was a bit gutted but then after a few minutes of reading properly I found one! I emailed the lady cos I have no idea about what you have to do (26 years old and completely clueless about pretty much EVERYTHING!) And she emailed me back almost straight away, she sounds lovely! Anyway 1st lesson is on Monday at 7pm and to say I'm nervous would be an understatement but excited at the same time lol. Anyway will let you know how I get on with that next week :)

Yesterday Saw the arrival of the long awaited table!!! Hooray!!! It was lovely all sitting up the table together, tele off and just concentrating on what we were doing. Matt didn't like it though, he asked if we can have the stereo on in the background cos it was weird with no noise lol I think it'll be ok cos we'll have things to talk about tonight we as last night we were all talked out by the time he'd built it lol!

Right Me and Bill are gonna have a little go on the Wii I think, I didn't go gym last night as didn't eat til late so have to put in a bit more effort tonight :) might check the timetable and see if I can go swimming afterwards maybe?

Muchas Loveage xxx

P!ssed off!!!

<<>

Super pissed off!!! Been to WI and had a 1/2lb gain!?!?!? WTF?! Good as gold all week!! Not over points and gym twice where as the week before I lost 3.5lb and didn't go to the gym once!!!!

Gonna work so hard this week and get that 1/2 off and more hopefully....grrrr hate my body sometimes!!!

Never mind, gotta draw a line and forget about it now cos otherwise I'm gonna stuff my face, and realistically 1/2lb is nothing...I can poo more than 1/2lb, and it is my first gain since the start of WW so inevitable sooner or later I spose...tsk onwards and upwards!

Will let you know how this week pans out and all the dramas in between :)

Love Love xx

Extra Special Jumbo King Prawns from Honduras....Yes please!!!

Hi ya's,

Had the best dinner EVER tonight! Wasn't very hungry as been to work and never seem to get really hungry...dunno why that is :0/ anyhoooo decided to go food shopping after work with Matt and Bill, they both wanted pizza (to be honest so did I lol) but instead got myself some Extra Special Jumbo King Prawns from Honduras...best prawns I've ever tasted?? I bloody think so!!! They were LUSH! I'm absolutely stuffed and they're only 3 points and 1 point per tablespoon of Seafood Sauce, so I'd say around 4.5 points...brilliant for a dinner, and still got more than enough points for a Curly Wurly lol!!

Brought myself a new cossie today as going swimming with Bill, Dennie and Tyler, not sure as it's a bikini :O Matt likes it though so that's good!

Went to the hospital on Thursday and saw my consultant, he's happy that it won't happen again as my bile ducts have been scraped clean, we were talking about my Gallbladder and how bad it was when I had it out, I knew it was serious as the surgeon had said I could of dropped down dead at anytime but I was never really sure why this had happened. The consultant went on to explain that I had Gangrene!!!!! OMG I couldn't believe it when he was reading the notes from my op "Gallbladder located, extremely gangrenous" Wowzers...I can't get over it really. So glad I listened to my instincts and went back to the hospital! Thankfully it looks like the whole thing is over after 4 years! Just have to have more bloods done in a months time to make sure my liver function has returned to normal :) good times!

Well it's WI tomorrow...went to Boots today and had a sneaky peek, and I was shocked and well disappointed it looks like I'm in for a gain :'( the only reason I can think is that last week was a bit of a false loss as not been eating properly where I felt so crappy, I don't think it's anything else as been so good, sticking to points, gym etc etc. Guess we'll find out tomorrow won't we?!

Anyway I'm off of here for tonight, gonna have a munch out :)

So long, fair well lol Loz xx

Morning all,

Right off to hospital today and I'm feeling ok, got an appointment with my consultant, got to take Bill with me so hoping his DS will keep him amused while we're in there lol! Looks like a beautiful day today, it's probably bloody freezing haha! Gotta go town to pay some money into the bank then on to the hospital for 2pm.

Went to the gym last night for the first time in agggggges so only done 430 cals instead of my usual 550 and then popped to the pub afterwards to celebrate Nina getting her job :) I HATE the unisex gym, will be ok when i'm a bit skinnier I think, just at the moment I'm often the fattest one there...I know somebody's gotta be the biggest but I don't want it to be me anymore lol!

Sooooo excited Argos finally phoned yesterday and have booked my delivery for Tuesday between 7am-12pm wooohooo!! Can't wait to have a dining room table to sit round rather than using our laps like we have for the last 8 years!

Right I best go and have a shower and get dressed, that seems to be a problem for me...I sit down for what seems like a minute and before I know it it's gone midday! lol :)

Weigh in on Sunday, keep your fingers crossed that I have a loss - been double good so no reason why not! Will update when I find out.

Bye for now, take care and be awesome to each other xx

Hair?! What to do...what to do!? Went from dark to blonde, found the roots all too much so now a reddy brownish colour but only had it done a week and a half and my greys are already showing through!!!

Think I want to go back to blue/black, I like it dark it's only the pesky greys that ruin it for me! Or shall I go completely crazy and have a funky colour again!? Ohhh I dunno!

Had my weekly weigh in last night and so chuffed I lost 3.5lb!!! Not been to the gym at all last week as felt a bit shit and wasn't really in the mood, but on it hardcore tomoz for sure :) feel so motivated, not felt like this for years, and Matt is loving the new me, I'm changing shape so much even tho I'm no where near target. I'm starting to imagine how good i'm gonna look and how great i'm gonna feel when I do eventually get there....not having to worry about what I'm gonna wear cos everything looks terrible, being able to shop in the trendy shops like all my friends...I can not wait!!

Off to bed as been to work today and gave the studio a stupidly deep clean (OCD much?!) and i'm shattered!

Love Love xxx

Weigh in tonight and if i'm honest i'm looking forward to it....obsessed?? I think so! lol Still making sure I don't talk about stuff too much to everybody cos I know how boring that is lol!

As far as bank holidays go this one has been pretty f'ing boring! Spent most of it feeling like shit after my ERCP and debating whether I should take myself off to hospital :'( woke up this morning feeling 1000 times better so that's good news. Think I might chuck The Goonies on in a minute, Bill is saying he doesn't want to watch it...no idea what that kids problem is lol!! Matt's out in the garage doing manly things, like changing wheels and getting all dirty and greasy :)

Trish and Stu (My Bosses) son Kris is getting married tomorrow to the lovely Jasmine, I'm going to be watching the shop during the day with Sammy working downstairs and then we're gonna get ready and go to the reception over in Essex...dunno what to wear?!? I'm sure i'll find something :)

Keeping my fingers crossed for Vic as she has an interview wednesday and the job looks AMAZING! I've got a good feeling about it!! Got to try and get hold of the Dennie in a while, find out if she's meeting me up at WW or if she's skipping this week. Anyway gonna get up off my fat lazy arse and get dressed...it's 2:30 so about time really!!!

Byeeeee xx

Sorrrrryyy!!

Hey everybody,

I'm sorry I've been totally shit and not updated you/me/whoever for a while I've been mega busy with hospitals and stuff. However had my ERCP done on thursday and I still don't feel 100% but the good news is that I am ok :) all my stones cleared and pending a blood result that should mean that my liver function is back to normal woo hoooo!!

Did have a drink the other night when out with the girls in Rochester, discipline went right out the window and I got completely wankered :( spent wayyyy too much money and felt like crap for 2 days afterwards! Decided I won't be doing that anymore! For Carries Hen Weekend I think i'm gonna get a couple of bottles of WW Wine and some Jager and diet redbull and that's it, get drunk in room then when i'm out just have Diet Coke..we'll see lol!!! x

Lost 4lb at last weeks weigh in so I'm completely stoked, that's 1 stone down!!! Had a sneaky peek and looks like i'm in for a loss this week too, surprised as I haven't been to the gym once!! Tut tut tut!!!

So pleased with how my front room is looking, saving money not going out so much and decided to decorate as it was well boring, popped down to B&Q thursday while I was still sedated from my op and got the wallpaper (I don't remember any of that trip...Matt was there and drove in case you were wondering lol) and Matt's Mum came over friday and wallpapered...OMG she's like a wild thing, she wallpapered a 25ft wall on her own in just under 3 hours!!! Stopping a couple of times to refuel on tea! Can't wait to save up for my blinds and for my table to hurry up and be delivered!

Totally jacked in my other "friends" and feel fine about it, anybody that either calls me a C or sits there and lets someone else call me a C doesn't like me very much do they?! All this change going on and I need to be surrounded by good people...I know who my real friends are :)

Talking of real friends OMG went Wedding Dress shopping with Vic on Wednesday...that girl is STUNNING!!! She looked so fabulous in each and every single one...how she's gonna choose I have no idea...Ip dip dog shit maybe!? haha jokes! Roll on Vegas Baby!!! Hope I'm at target by then cos some of the bridesmaids dresses are super slinky...I'll do it, for sure :)

Right I'm outta here, peace out fuckers \m/(oo)\m/ xx